Staff Feature:
Grace Miner
This month we interviewed one of our Victim Survivor Therapists, Grace Miner. Grace has worked at DAP for 3 years providing individual, group therapy for victim survivors of domestic violence as well as providing trainings in the community about domestic violence. Continue reading to learn more about Grace and the amazing work she is doing in the community!
DAP: Tell us about your role at DAP and what services you provide.
Grace: I am on the Victim Survivor team and I provide group therapy. I do a virtual group and an in-person group, and then also provide some individual therapy and intakes to for new people that are coming into DAP and getting started and to get them rolling in the program. I work with anyone who has experienced harm in their relationship, but mainly those over 18.
DAP: What do you think the benefits of group based therapy are for victim survivors of DV?
Grace: I think that the benefit of group therapy is that it is really about building community. I witness it, I see it, and also, I hear it from participants from being around other people that get it. People that have been through it, and that aren't gonna judge or misunderstand or not really know what to say or to how to show up for you. And just feeling like you're building a community with people that have a shared experience and also a lot of different life experiences. In 1:1 therapy there is great support, and you have someone hearing you and believing you when you share your story, but knowing there's a whole group of people, it feels like a community. I have even heard of people talk about [group therapy] feeling like a village or a sisterhood, and just feeling really supported and that they are not alone. In group therapy they get to meet new people that can support them and build new relationships which is awesome.
DAP: What kinds of changes do you see in the victim survivor's empowerment who attend group therapy at DAP?
Grace: I see a big shift in a few different areas. I think one is self-compassion. I see a lot of shift in people at the end of group to being really compassionate with themselves, as they would with someone else in group, and to take on what they're hearing from others, to really believe, this is not my fault, I am a good person, and I deserve a healthy love. I also see a lot of confidence around their self-worth and what they deserve and what boundaries they deserve to hold and have with other people. And I also think during their time in group, there's a lot of change in energy, like a lot more just power, reclaiming their own power. And I notice the group participants feeling like they are deserving of the space that they take up in group, in the world, in their lives and their relationships.
DAP: As one of DAP’s Victim Survivor group facilitators, could you please share what your favorite group topic is (if you can choose) and why?
Grace: Oh, it's hard to choose, because I think that they all flow so well together. I think one that really sticks out and that I enjoy the conversations in so much is Compelling Reasons Survivors Stay or Maintain Relationships with Someone Who's Been Abusive. I think that one is a really, really good one. It's earlier on in the program curriculum and I just think it really opens up that door to self-compassion, to understand that there are so many reasons why people may stay or maintain contact with someone [who has used harm], and it's not the victim survivors fault. I think the vast majority of everyone I've worked with, has had someone in their life say, ‘Well, why didn't you leave?’, or ‘Why did you go back?’ and those comments are just not helpful. So having a whole topic to explore ‘Why have I stayed?’ or ‘Why am I staying?’ is important. [The reasons] can be anywhere from children, to financial concerns, to hope for change. It can also be love and positive memories and goals of change for a relationship… really anywhere in between, or in addition to that. And I think it just really does start that conversation around what each person deserves, and what they want to do. Victim survivors don't have other people telling them how they should feel or what they should be doing, and then they get to be compassionate with themselves. Ultimately there are so many different factors, and having other people in the group that can really mirror what each victim survivor is sharing and feels connected to makes this an important topic. It also affirms that victim survivors not alone, they are not the only person that feels this way and they are not the only person that has all these different reasons for staying. So, I love this topic.
I also would say a topic that maybe other people might be like, “Oh, I don't see it as exciting,” but is really fulfilling, is our topic on Grief and Loss. This is a topic that I've been really interested in since my undergraduate career, and then, especially in my graduate work as I trained, and now in my life as a therapist. I think it's a topic that we don't talk about enough. In group, we talk about grief and loss as it relates to experiences of abuse, and what types of losses you go through and the types of grief which really normalizes it. And especially talking about terms such as disenfranchised grief or, ambiguous loss. It really puts a name to those experiences of a lot of non-death losses that we can experience in addition to other forms of loss and grief that comes with relationship. I really find that beneficial because I think that it gives space to something that can often be taboo or just really disregarded and misunderstood in our society, and lets people talk about really deep things that are a part of their life, that they deserve space to talk about.
DAP: It is Women’s History Month, are there any women leaders/trailblazers you have admired in your career? What has their work meant to you?
Grace: I think there's so many different women in my life personally that have been so inspirational to me in my journey, as well as, bigger figures that have inspired me. So I'll start with, like, the personal and move to the bigger. First and foremost, thinking of powerful women in my life, I think of my mom and I think of my grandma. Both people that have survived trauma and abuse and have really turned their lives into a beautiful act of power and resistance and compassion. And I love that.
I think of people in my professional educational career. I think of an early adviser. Her name was Stacie Furia at my college, Northland College, who really inspired me to especially look at social justice and sociology as it relates to mental health. And then I think of a supervisor I had both in grad school and also my internship, one name Meg Jeske and one name Gayle Sheller. And they both knew so much, and they shared so much wisdom around being a woman in the field, being someone working with domestic violence and abuse, and being really all encompassing and inclusive and open, and inspiring people to lean into their own power and own wisdom as a therapist.
In a bigger sense, I think of, like people who create different ways to express their journeys that's an inspiration to others. I think of people that we've shared in our group a lot. I think of Maya Angelou as a really big inspiration. A lot of poetry is shared in group. I think of bell hooks and a lot of the information that she shared in her stories and her words and the power of it. Those are things that I've incorporated in group quite a bit. And then I also was thinking, as I was sitting with this today, of the women who created a type or theory of therapy that is really core to my practice, which is Relational-Cultural Therapy, or theory. Jean Baker Miller, M.D. was one of the women who theorized and created this theory that really spoke even more to all the different ways that we are as humans, and are impacted by our relationships, by our cultural identities and experiences. And it came at a time where, I think psychology has been obviously very male and very white dominated. And these, I think, also were white women that created it, but they spoke to a piece that has, I think, helped me really grow and have been a big influence on me in my work, how I approach my clients, how I approach my conceptualization and how I do this work.
DAP: You have worked at DAP for 3 years. Could you share what you enjoy about working here?
Grace: I love the community that I have built and that I feel here, both, with coworkers and with staff, as well as just the community that we're a part of because of the space that we hold. And I love feeling like I am a part of a space that's creating change, and being a person that can hold that care and compassion that someone always deserves and might not always have access to, or might have a hard time feeling in other parts of their life. And I just love having that chance to be a part of someone's journey and to witness and honor their growth and to see all of their strengths and hopefully shine that back to them. I think it's a really full circle thing for me as a person and also as a survivor, to be able to hold space in such a impactful, meaningful and really deep way. And I just feel really, really grateful every day to be able to do this as my job.
DAP: If you could be any type of plant, what would you be and why?
Grace: I had to think about this one. If if we're thinking of an outside plant, I feel like I'm a tie between a Poppy, which is my favorite flower, because I think that they are so beautiful, they're so vibrant and bright, and just kind of draw you in. While also being very delicate and soft, and it's just beautiful. It feels like they're always dancing, and I feel like I'm always kind of moving and grooving around. I would also wanna be a Prairie Comb flower, which I recently finally had grow in my yard last year. I think, similarly for this flower, they just look like they're dancing, they're so beautiful, and they're just so like simple yet also so lovely, and really attract bees. And I like that sense of just a symbiotic cohabitating in the world. If I was an indoor plant, I think that I would wanna be a Hoya which is a very beautiful kind of plant. I had one growing up that my mom cared for. Now I have a bunch in my own house and I just think they are so both really hardy and tough, and can handle a lot. And they produce the most beautiful, unique, little purple or pinkish kind of flowers. I think that it's such a unique plant that offers a lot of beauty, and also, it's just really resilient and I love that.
