It’s the most wonderful time of the year— December! As the solstice approaches, that bright winter sunshine will soon return! We look forward to the winter holidays, time with family, and much needed space to rest and recharge.

Snuggle up by the crackling fireplace (the real one or the YouTube video) and read on to learn more about: healing through art, how media informs social perceptions, DAP’s holiday updates, an interview with mosaic artist Lori Greene, and holiday safety!

Netflix’s hit series Nobody Wants This has won over audiences with its heartfelt depiction of a complex, yet healthy relationship. The show follows Joanne, an agnostic woman, and Rabbi Noah as they navigate their connection after Noah’s breakup with his former partner. Despite challenges like Noah’s family’s disapproval and Joanne’s insecurities, the couple exemplifies behaviors that foster emotional growth and mutual respect.  

Jane the Virgin is a romantic comedy TV series that follows the life of Jane Gloriana Villanueva (Gina Rodriguez), a Catholic Venezuelan-American author who is saving her virginity for marriage. Things get interesting when Jane, who is in a loving relationship with Michael (Brett Dier), accidentally is artificially inseminated, and becomes pregnant with the child of her boss, Rafael (Justin Baldoni), who is—gasp—her former crush. The show is a loose adaptation of the Venezuelan telenovela Juana la Virgen, so there are a lot of dramatic plot twists, and of course, a love triangle as the central plot point.

Though the series is intentionally dramatic, featuring gentleman’s brawls and other mistakes along the way, it’s a beautiful depiction of how people can grow and change, and ultimately choose better behaviors. The central relationship between Jane and Rafael changes immensely, as Rafael grows from a cynical, self-centered workaholic, into a vulnerable, caring partner and father.

Rafael, through the course of the series, finds his way out of the “man box,” learning the importance in compromise, communication, trust, and vulnerability.

We would argue that Normal People is one of the most realistic, yet empathetic accounts of love in young adulthood. Though Connell and Marianne do love each other deeply, and this force always seems to drive them together again, their relationship is extremely unhealthy at times. They struggle to see one another as equals, and seek validation from one another to soothe their own insecurities. This show is a great example of the ways in which negative core beliefs about ourselves can ruin what could be a beautiful partnership between two like-minded people.

Anyone who has watched Sex and The City has likely screamed at their TV, asking: “why would Carrie ever go back to Mr. Big?!” It goes without saying that the relationship dynamics between the two are unhealthy, but let’s unpack exactly why that is.

The key will-they wont-they relationship in this series is between Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), a stylish, frazzled newspaper columnist, and “Mr. Big,” (Chris Noth) a Wallstreet tycoon with good looks, money, and influence. Mr. Big begins the series seeming to want casual companionship, and Carrie desperately wants Mr. Big to be Mr. Right.  

In conclusion, we would argue that Carrie and Mr. Big have an abusive relationship dynamic, but we are still conditioned as viewers to root for them. It is unclear whether we are supposed to hope that they separate, or stay together.

We need to have cautious discernment about how media influences our perceptions of what is normal in relationships and how that influences how we define what is healthy and unhealthy.

Dupont Luminaries

On Christmas Eve, East Harriet lights their neighborhood up with paper lanterns along King's Highway (Dupont Avenue between 42nd and 46th Streets, and 46th Street from Dupont down to Lake Harriet Boulevard) in honor of those impacted by domestic violence. The Luminaries raise funds in support of ending cycles of domestic violence in our community. All donations raised during the event will be given to the Domestic Abuse Project so that we can continue to provide families with safety and healing in the upcoming year. If you are in the area, you do not want to miss this beautiful display of solidarity!

Artist Feature: Lori Greene

Lori Greene is the mosaic artist behind the Survivor’s Memorial located in Boom Island Park. It is America’s first memorial that recognizes survivors of sexual assault, and was officially completed in October of 2020. This memorial attempts to break the culture of silence surrounding sexual assault and domestic violence, featuring several colorful mosaics depicting survivors of all cultures and ages. The memorial sits upon the land of the Dakota Tribal Oyate, acknowledging the ways in which indigenous communities are disproportionately affected by sexual assault and other gender-based violence.  

We were so excited to be able to interview Lori Greene to learn more about this project. Check it out below!

Calling all artists!

DAP now has a LIVE submission on our website’s art page! We are looking for artwork from artists whose lives have been impacted by Domestic Violence. We hope to feature these inspiring pieces on our website’s Art Page as well as our social media accounts.

How to Submit? It’s Easy!

Simply go to our website, our art page, and fill out the form! We welcome art of all mediums, including: poetry, narrative, dance, music, visual, textile, theatre, and more!

Do you have a safe space this winter?

The holiday season can be difficult for anyone who may be experiencing domestic violence, as major holidays bring about stressors that can lead to increased risk for abusive behavior.

According to Connections for Abused Women and their Children (CAWC), factors that can exacerbate abuse during the holidays are: financial stressors, holiday-related emotional and psychological stressors, increased alcohol consumption, limited access to support services, travel, and the illusions of family dynamics and “togetherness.”

Here are some safety planning tips for holiday and weekend trips from the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Communication Tips (For Survivors)

Choose a trusted loved one to check in with during the holidays. Creating a code word together can allow you to get the support you need safely; for example, you may go to your neighbor’s house and ask for “a cup of sugar.” Be sure to be clear about what exactly the code word calls for, whether that be calling you, coming over, contacting authorities, or anything else you may need.

Tips For Family and Friends

Ensure that the times in which you communicate with your loved one in a domestic violence situation are safe times. For example, it may be safest to contact them when their abusive partner is out of the house. It is also important to ensure that the channel of communication is safe; for example, ensuring that an abusive partner does not have access to your loved one’s text messages or emails.

Remember that isolation is a tactic often used by abusive partners, and telling someone that their abusive partner isn’t welcome at a holiday function may lead to your loved one not coming at all. Above all else, use your best judgment to make decisions about what will keep you and your loved ones safe.

When planning your holiday functions, ask your loved ones if alcohol tends to worsen an abusive partner’s behavior. If you have concerns about this, consider not having alcohol available, or limiting the amount served.

Finally, ensure that you are taking care of yourself first. You cannot make decisions for your friend or loved one in a dv situation—you can only ask them what they need and offer help and support. Taking on the stress and burden of secondary trauma will lead to burnout, and ultimately will make it more difficult for you to support your loved one.

Travel tips for Survivors

Spending time in an enclosed space, like a vehicle, with an abusive partner can put a victim survivor at risk. Before traveling, ensure you have a safety plan—a comprehensive list of steps to follow if you find yourself in a violent situation. Consider making a plan for your emotional safety; this may look like a calming activity, positive affirmations, or meditation.

If you are traveling with children, make sure you have copies of necessary documentation for them as well as yourself. It may be wise to have a loved one hold on to originals of these documents at home. If your children are old enough, create a safety plan in words that they can understand. You can find additional safety planning for your children here.

If you need to plan time to be alone/away from your abusive partner, consider telling your partner you are helping with holiday plans, shopping, etc.

Places to Stay

If you do not have a safe space to stay this holiday season, here is a list of emergency housing resources in your area.