How to Talk to Children About Mass Violence

Children are often very perceptive and may pick up on difficult events happening around them. It can be helpful to gently ask your children what they have heard or noticed about the tragedy that happened in Minneapolis last Wednesday, and to have an open, supportive conversation with them. Here are some suggestions to help guide that discussion:

1. Start with Safety and Reassurance

• Begin by making sure your child knows they are safe now.

• Use calm, simple language: “You are safe here. The adults are working hard to keep everyone safe.”

  
  

2. Let Them Lead with Questions

• Ask: “What have you heard?” or “What are you thinking about?”

• This helps correct misinformation and ensures you respond to their concerns, not overwhelm them with details.

  
  

3. Keep Explanations Age-Appropriate

• Young children (under 7): Short, clear sentences. Avoid graphic details.

• School-age kids: Offer truthful, simple explanations; help them express feelings with words, art, or play.

• Teens: Expect deeper questions and worries about fairness, justice, and safety. Encourage dialogue, not lectures.

  
  

4. Validate Feelings

• Name and normalize emotions: “It’s okay to feel scared, angry, or confused. Lots of people feel this way after something scary happens.”

  
  

5. Limit Media Exposure

• Repeated images and reports can increase anxiety. Watch news updates away from children when possible.

  
  

6. Highlight Helpers & Hope

• Point out how helpers (first responders, doctors, teachers, neighbors) stepped in.

• Emphasize community resilience and what people are doing to stay safe.

  
  

7. Maintain Routines

• Structure and predictability (meals, school, bedtime) help children feel secure.

  
  

8. Encourage Expression

• Talking, drawing, journaling, music, or physical activity can help kids process emotions.

  
  

9. Model Healthy Coping

• Children notice how adults respond. Show calm, healthy ways of managing stress (deep breathing, talking with friends, prayer, etc.).

  
  

10. Know When to Seek Extra Support

• Watch for signs like nightmares, regression (bedwetting, clinginess), withdrawal, or big changes in eating/sleep.

• If these persist, encourage families to seek help from a pediatrician, school counselor, or therapist.

As we mentioned in the previous segment, maintaining routines can help us feel secure in times of tragedy. Routines provide us with stability—reliable, predictable patterns can help ground us in reality and preserve our mental energy. For some, “a routine represents a path forward, one manageable step at a time, toward progress” [1].

Of course, actually developing the routine is much easier said than done. Not only from a scientific standpoint, but a social one as well. It is a fairly well-known fact that building a habit (a behavior that becomes automatic) takes about 66 days—but for some, it can take around 9 months or longer. There’s also so much pressure around routines and habits—from the “success guru” influencers who boast of their 4:00AM wake up time, to the fear of embarrassing yourself at the gym because you don’t know how to use the equipment. But at the end of the day, the only way to make lasting change is to take that first step.

Building a Routine that Works for You:  

1. Create a routine that is realistic and suits your needs. We don’t all have the same schedules, life-circumstances, or responsibilities, and some of us struggle with certain parts of daily life more than others. No two routines will be exactly the same. In fact, your routine may change day to day.

   
   

2. Start small. Changing up your routine all at once probably won’t end up with lasting results. Pick one small habit each week to work on. It could be adding something new and positive, or cutting out a bad habit. Small changes add up. 

   
   

3. Add to your existing habits/routines. You probably already have some habits worked into your routine, like drinking a cup of coffee in the morning. Try adding new habits to existing ones. For instance, if you want to read more, you could set aside ten minutes to read while you have your coffee.

   
   

4. Make swaps. Think about the things you do during the day that aren’t so healthy and swap them with better behaviors. For example, if you feel sluggish in the afternoons and eat junk food for a quick pick-me-up, try taking a walk instead to get that dopamine rush.

   
   

5. Make time for things you enjoy. Even if it’s just 15 minutes a day, set aside time to do something you find fun or trying something new.

   
   

6. Don’t beat yourself up if you get off track. Making life changes can be hard and you might forget to do something that is new to your routine every once in a while. You don’t have to be perfect, just try to do better the next day [Source].

   
   

   Want to help survivors in your community access hygiene products, healthy snacks, and other items to support their own routine-building? Please consider donating an item off of our wish list using the link below:

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